Coming Back Forward...

So I just got home from a week at the beach with Andrew's family and life's getting pretty crazy.  Well, not crazy... but its changing.  I put my two weeks in at Red Lobster tonight.  That means only two more weeks of serving tables... Thank GOD!!!  I can't take it anymore.  I was just becoming less and less of people person.  Anyway... I'm going to be continuing on my Dad's Ebay store, while also picking up hours tutoring autistic children.  I'm pretty excited.  I'll actually be using my education and I'll actually be doing something rewarding.  I'm just hoping that it all works out and things pull together quick enough that I don't run out of money in the whole job transition part.  But things should be good.

So vacation was fabulous.  Being on the beach and watching the ocean at all hours of the day really gets me thinking about God and what matters in life.  It made me realize that I've drifted pretty far away from Him over the past year or so.  Last summer I was an intern at a Baptist Church and as of right now, I barely ever open my Bible and I haven't been to church in a few months.  Sad.  Amazing how you can drift so far away without even realizing it.  So on the car ride home, (as with most 12 hour car rides), I had a lot of thinking time.  So I wrote a poem.  This poem paints a picture of my relationship with God at the moment.  It is also representative of my feelings towards moving forward in life.  I'm just so ready to settle and to be happy.

Coming Back Forward

All that's in front of me
There must be more than this
Without any safety net
Other than the miraculous

Standing on the cliff
Breathing deep in the air
With whispers of hope
Forming a long lost prayer

I come back to go forward
Home; not sure yet safe
Leaving behind the stagnant
Taking my leap of faith.

While writing this poem in the car I realized it's true what they say.  You really can miss your relationship with God to the point that when you come back, it feels like you've rekindled a lost love.  It is good.

A NEW SONG!!!!

Haha.  So many people have complained to me that they're tired of the song playing on my xanga.  I'm sure their intention was for me just to stop having a song at all... but I've decided to get a new one.  Haha.  I like this song.  It's by Bethany Dillon and it make me excited.  It's about moving forward, and that's what I'm doing.  Starting by moving out in less than four weeks!!!

No More Waiting...

So I've been doing a lot of sitting around and waiting for life to happen.  And after an amazing week with the beautiful Beth BRADY, I have decided it's time to move forward.  So here I go... moving forward.

First of all, I'm starting a new job.  I'm working for my dad getting his eBay store up and running.  I'm going to work really hard at it and see if I can get it to turn a profit big enough to live on so that I don't have to serve tables anymore.  It'd be the best job ever.  For serious.  It's like hanging out with my dad all day and doing it whenever I want.  It's fabulous.  But for now... sitting tight at Red Lobster in the evenings and making some cash so that I can...

Move out!  I'm moving out.  Getting myself a little bachelorette pad.  This is something I really really really need to do for ME.  I need to have a place to call my own and to decorate and keep up and just be proud of.  I need to grow up.  So... I'm moving out at the beginning of May-ish.  As long as I find the right apartment and it has an opening for then, I'm doing it!  I may or may not be living by myself.  I can afford a one bedroomon my own, but it'd be nice to have a roommate, so my friend Erin and I are gonna talk and maybe live together.  That'd be fabulous as well.  We shall see!

So yeah.  I'm making things happen.  And I like it.  Waiting around can be pretty exhausting and discouraging so it's about time to pump some spice into my life. 

So there's this cloud...

...and it seems to be blocking my view of the sun/son in my life.  Do you ever sit down to count your blessings on your hands and feel like you get to one finger and you're left staring blankly at the wall.  Staring at the wall.  I've been doing that a lot the last few days.  The stomach flu will get you like that.  Blessings.  Sometimes I feel like I have only one blessing in my life.  But I know I'm wrong.  The cloud just gets in the way.  I look at my job.  Yeah, it works, but it's Red Lobster.  I mean, come on.  I didn't go to college so I could serve tables forever.  But my experience sucks so badly that my resume doesn't even get me a call back no matter where I send it.  A place to live.  Thank you to my parents for letting me stay, but for serious...  I want to stand on my own two feet.  Friends.  My "closest" friends live 2-4 hours away from me and I don't even feel like I know them anymore.  I have no one to spend my time with unless someone happens to be "home" for the weekend.  (I put that in quotes because this is less and less home to these people as their lives take them to new places.)  And when people are home for the weekend, I cut out time for them just to be left stood up and standing alone... again.  Life feels so empty right now.  My line of site seems to end two feet in front of me and all I can see are things being the same as they are... right... now.  I need change.  I need change badly.   

That one blessing?  Andrew.  Thank God for Andrew.  If I didn't have him, circumstance and friendships would drive me mad right about now...  He really is my best friend.

Standing Still

...I wish I just knew what move to make...